I live in this lovely area where an "inversion" seems to be a very common word in the winter, let's just say -- it can get ugly in this brain of mine. I have had 16 years of practice in this area and am getting better at swinging all the time. Which bring me to the story of a day I had the other day.
I woke up on Tuesday, I was feeling okay. The 12 pounds I'd gained since running the marathon weren't quite as ugly as they've been since I noticed them(how did it take me 6 months to notice??) The pimples that had been surfacing were seeming to minimize. The wrinkles weren't quite as prominent as normal.(& really, shouldn't the pimples go away before the wrinkles emerge?) The grey in my hair was still showing and the split ends were rearing their ugly heads but I managed to get things looking and feeling pretty decent by the time I walked out of the house. I actually had the nerve to think things were looking up and feeling good that day.
Fast forward to 7:30 that night when I'm finishing up running errands with the kids in the van for 2 hours, racing through target to get photos developed for 2 science projects due the next morning...I catch a glimpse of myself in the target mirror. UGH, those pants I thought I looked decent in all day were looking waaaay too short, the side view of my body, well I won't even go there, the hair -- not so great and of course the grease had resurfaced for the day on my face. I did NOT feel the same say as I did when I left the house in the morning. I was feeling BLAH!!!
Now on to my point. HOW and WHY do we do this to ourselves? We are so tough on ourselves. The lack of sun only enhances it for me, but quite honestly we are all at fault of this. I've got to learn to feel happy no matter what my profile in the Target mirror looks like...hmm, such a challenge.
I want my children and other women to understand that happiness truly comes from within. All of these things I mentioned are on the outside, they are not what makes me who I am(trust me -- I'd love it if it all looked top notch, but let's keep it real folks, it's not gonna happen) For those of you who are looking at me from the outside and think it's all great without a struggle--think again. :) The sun helps me to feel better and not have to fight these feelings of low self-esteem. But let it be known that I fight every winter. Don't worry, I'm a tough one -- I fight good and hard!:)
P.S. On a spiritual note, I wholeheartedly understand that this is Satan getting to me, please don't leave me a comment about reading my scriptures or following Christ. I'm already on it.:)
4 comments:
If we could each see ourselves the way others REALLY see us, I think we'd be surprised, and not quite so tough on ourselves. I've always been impressed by your 'outer self', though your inner self is even more beautiful, if that's possible.
I second what Julie said; I doubt anyone else noticed your "flaws". But we all do it to ourselves.
I laughed out loud when I read your p.s. too funny. We all have those days, don't we?! And I am with you, sunshine is some of the best medicine. I just need my bones to be warm and somehow it makes me feel better all over. I am just thankful for ponytails--they save me lots! :) I just try and think of the Velveteen Rabbit--those who are REAL--a must read!
The world would be a better place without mirrors, clocks, or calendars. We tend to let them put so much pressure on us and dictate our lives, but thenif we didn't have them, I guess we'd wonder what to do and when to do it. The sun is always shining somewhere. I read about an exchange student who came to America from the balmy Philipines to spend the school year in frigid Point Barrow, Alaska on the Artic Ocean where the sun sets in November and doesn't come back up until February. She adjusted, learne dto see the beauties of the northern lights etc. and learned to be happy. We all can, if we really will. Come rain, hail, sleet or gloom of night, we can always let the real "Son" shine in our lives and that is all that really matters.
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