Just wondering why no one ever seriously sat me down to explain to me how difficult it is to raise children.
Did I know about the vast array of emotions, including confusion, frustration, heartache, excitement, and love beyond measure, that I would feel every minute?
Did I know that those emotions would grow exponentially with a move?
Did I know that our children would have more "sick days" from school the months before and after a move than ever?
Did I know how much lost sleep would occur over our childrens relationships with friends, parents and each other?
Did I know how hard it would be to raise such different spirits? Such different personalities?
Did I know I'd always be a "day late and a dollar short" in keeping up with their progression?
Did I know that much of the "emotional side" of parenting would be felt more by their mother?
Did I know how hard it would be to make sure we get in Family Night, Prayer, Scripture Study, Council and Mom/Dad dates?
Did I know how hard it would be to allow our children to make their choices, even if they are the wrong ones, so that they can learn and grow?
Yes, watching our children over the last 5 months has been one of the toughest times of my personal parenting career -- including the months we were diagnosing Garrett. I have to admit that for all of the tears we've had, it's made the good times even better. Even the small smiles are much more meaningful to me now.
I realize now how spoiled I was as a parent in our last area. "It takes a village to raise a child" and I had more than a Village, I had a SuperCity to help raise our chilren. Anything I needed...and I mean anything...people were there to help us and I was very comfortable to receive that help. What a blessing!
Leaving our Super City was the toughest thing for us to do and our hearts ache for it every day and night. That said, we still know that it was in the Lord's plan for us to move and to move here.
And so it is that when the kids each come to us one by one, day and night, with tears in their eyes and say how much they miss Utah or their friends....that I hug them and say..."me too.....and we'll be okay" When they have totally crazy personality days...I try to be patient and understand that their saddness is also shown as anger or frustration. And when any of us find new friends or have good experiences -- we show more excitement than ever. We are all growing and it's good. We have learned to keep busy -- if our bodies are busy, our minds are busy and we can't be sad.:)
Just wondering...has it always been this difficult? Yes, I think i just forgot how hard growing can be!
8 comments:
That was a very cathartic post I think! And I think that moving your kids is one of THE hardest things to do! At least at this point in my life. BUT, it IS such a growing part of life. I have learned a lot about myself, my kids, and it softens is towards others. We miss you too! But I can say from experience, and I am sure you have too, that with each move I leave wonderful friends behind. But the reunion we will have someday will be wonderful when we see all the things we have done for each other there. I think it is a testament to you and how wonderful you are that there were so many people helping clean your house when you left, there was almost no room to clean. You ARE wonderful!!! Hang in there. I so missed seeing you this week. I would MUCH rather have been in Las Vegas. :) But we will see you soon in San Diego!!! Love ya!
Yes, growing can be a little painful.We definitely had our challenges with our seven. We felt those same emotions and struggled at times with their different personalities etc. And it did not stop when they got married and started raising their own families. It just multiplied.
It is in reality an opportunity for us to increase our circles of love, and to love unconditionaly. Fortunately, we have aperfect example to follow. It;s all up to us. You are doing great. Enjoy the ride.
Love you all and always,
Grandpa Bart
The first year we moved from Utah to Massachusetts was oh so like this. I cried almost weekly for them, their heartbreaks and excitements. Lauren was our oldest and in the 8th grade...the last year of Jr. High. What a struggle she had to fit in, find friends and be understood. She had some humilitaing moments. Noah's teacher called me about 6 months after we moved because he was in the principal's office "homesick" for good friends....that was 4th grade. Can I tell you how proud of them I am now? Both have the ability to accept different kinds of people and are so STRONG in the gospel. They each had to rely on themselves, our family and our Heavenly Father.They had to stand up for what was right...alone...so many times. That doesn't mean they don't have their struggles or make their mistakes. On the flip side they have had so many opportunities that they wouldn't have had in Utah. I am grateful that our moves have helped them to be so independent and dependent more on our family. I feel so blessed to be able to see my children progress in response to the struggle of moving! Hang in there! I couldn't see this in my kids until we were moved at least a year or two into it. I'll be thinking about you!
As Bart wrote, we had our moments
with our kids and we didn't move
to another place. These adjustments
come with life, no day is the same,
that's why we have agency as the
Lord wanted us to have and not the
other plan when we wouldn't have to
make a choice and be robots to his
will. I remember getting up in the
morning to fix breakfast and get
them ready for school and wonder
"ok who is going to be in a bad mood today", just remember we signed on for this assignment and
are grateful we did. Life would be
boring if everyday was the same,
although it would have been nice if
there were a few days free of stress. Say a prayer and the Lord
is there to help us in everyway.
I know you will make a lot of new
friends and will be sad to leave
them when it is time to leave Las
Vegas. You will make new adventures
and memories and have fun talking
about them later. Think of this as
a Mission for your family. Remember
we love you and always have you in
our prayers. Keep a smile on your
face and in your heart.
Love Grandma Iris
I think we have 'growth spurts'. YOu know, we go along, feeling pretty good, then things happen that cause us to grow and stretch. In the end, it'll be worth it. Growing up, we moved ALOT and many of those were hard on us as kids. But, now, looking back, none of us have hard feelings or wishing that things were different. As parents, I'm sure that this is part of our training to become like Heavenly Father who has to watch His children everyday as they struggle, knowing that in the end, it'll all be worth it.
And, I don't know if it helps or hurts to tell you we miss you, but we do. Grey was here the other night and he and Spencer were saying how much they miss Garrett. Learning time for all of them.
Oh Megan, this was a very well written post. For me, everytime we moved (which has been many times)I remember going through similiar things. I don't think it gets easier.
However, looking back, I think it was those times that my little family found our knees and gathered close to get through those hard adjustments.
I honestly think it was has helped my family grow and be who they are. Now, I have the girls and we haven't moved....but, still the dynamics change and we have to watch them grow and it sucks sometimes.
We love you all, and you are always in our prayers.
Aw man- this made me miss you a lot. I know there are tons of good people everywhere you go... and I really believe SuperCity is super much because of the example and influence of you. You'll find your spot there soon and I'm sure when it's time for your family to move on again Henderson will be even super-er because of the Eborns!
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